Leaving Too Soon

For the first time in a long while, I decided to leave school at a reasonable hour. This means within the hour that school let out. It was 4:05 when I drove away from school. As I was turning the corner, I saw Queen Goldfish and her little sister wandering back towards school.

Since QG has a history of wandering, I rolled down my window to ask where they were going.

"Big Sister didn't show up."

"Why can't you just walk home yourselves? I thought your mom said that was okay?"

"Because then Big Sister will be mad we didn't wait for her. We might go the wrong way."

So, I shouted from my window: "Go back to school and we'll call."

I turned my little going-home-early car around and parked myself in the front of the building. Moments later, they joined me as I got out of the car.

"Wow, nice car," she said.

"Thanks, it's Mr.'s car."

"Well, next time you see him, tell him I said it's nice," QG replied.

Then, her little sister chimed in:

"You have a husband?"

"Yes I do! Didn't QG tell you all about me? I am VERY important, you know."

"Do you have any children?" (This, in the mind of children, is what the purpose of being married is. If you're married, you have children. That's that.

"Yes, I have 18 of them, and I teach them ALL DAY LONG."

Little sister enjoyed this response. Then QG chimed in:

"Which one of them is your second favorite?" she asked.

"They are all my favorites," I replied. Then I realized what she said... second favorite. As I realized, I looked over at her... there was a glimpse and a smirk waiting for my recognition...

"Get it, I said SECOND favorite. You know, besides me."

"Clever, Queen Goldfish."

We continued our conversation as we walked into the main office to make the call home.

As we were sitting there, waiting for someone (please someone, anyone, pick up the phone) to answer - the three of us got into a discussion about hygiene. It is true, that as QG gets older, her hygiene habits are becoming more and more apparent. There is NO reason I should smell you before I see you.

Little sister started the conversation by saying that QG told her about the "kit" I kept for her in the classroom - toothbrush, toothpaste, and a hairbrush.

"I take 2 showers a week," little sister said.

"Well, that's pretty good for a 2nd grader, I suppose. You'll probably need more when you get older." Please.

Little sister continued: "QG only takes one a week."

"Sometimes!" QG chimed in. "Sometimes I go more than a week."

We then discussed what would probably be a better routine and for what reasons. I casually and teacher-appropriately hinted that she should probably increase that amount. Then she told me that she doesn't wash her hair every time. Which means that she's washing her hair less than once every 2 weeks. Remember, this is the girl who had all of her hair cut off over Thanksgiving. It may be shorter than normal, but in need of a wash regardless.

I knew I was treading on thin ice, but felt the eyes of encouragement from several co-workers that were passing by.

QG says, "I just took a shower last night to wash my butt because my butt was dirty."

Uh-oh. I can hear the ice cracking.

"Oh, so you just washed your hair!"

"No, I only washed my butt."

Cue change of conversation.